So after much struggle and cursing the single bed was erected in the lounge room. I was sweating like a pig, as mad as a cut snake and dusty from head to toe. Time for the naughty corner!
It is now about a week since I erected the bed and Ma hasn’t slept a single night in it… It still holds pride of place in the middle of the lounge room and is great to watch TV from. Ma told me she hoped she wasn’t ‘putting anybody out’ last night when she went to get into her bed and I told her they could go and sleep in the other bed! Fingers crossed she hasn’t ‘seen’ anybody in her bed in the last few days. I’m making sure I lead her back to her room and ensure I distract her with the kitties or the tv on her way into the room. As far as I’m concerned the bed can stay there forever as I’m pretty sure that if I remove the bed, Ma’s visitors will return.
Ever since I erecte
d the bed she seems more grounded. Probably a coincidence or I scared her so much with my rantings that she is keeping a low profile! I caught her talking to her slippers the other morning but that was only because she thought that somebody had them on their head. The ‘lady’ was also wearing her dress but I was able to defuse that situation by picking up the dress and hanging it in the cupboard… If nothing else, Ma’s condition makes me more tidy!
She has been great the last few days. Took her out shopping and she bought a new hat and handbag, skirt and nightdress; had morning tea then went grocery shopping; then out to the farm for fruit and veges; back to home to buy shoes; lunch and then more grocery shopping. We pickled beetroot on our return… I was ready for bed and she stayed up watching tv. Some weird ass comments but not too bad. It’s days like this when I start questioning my putting her into permanent care.
I worry about her leg ulcer and whether it will get worse because the community nurses aren’t allowed to go to nursing homes because ‘you can’t have two services’!!. I worry that her mental state will deterioraite. Who is going to get up with her to go to the toilet during the night (sometimes it’s 4 or 5 times)? Who is going to check her bowels and make sure she isn’t in pain? Who is going to wipe her bottom? (I do this because she can only wipe from the front which can lead to urinary tract infections). I hear so many negative things about nursing homes I feel sick at the thought. The nursing home is just a couple of blocks from me so I know I will be there often to check on her but I still feel like I’m giving up on her and taking the easy way out.
I also know that if I leave her for more than an hour her mental state deteriorates. This morning I got up at 5am to go to the gym and asked her if she needed the toilet before I left. She told me she thought she could hold on but then I said to her: ‘what happens if you can’t find your way back?’ She agreed with me and went to the toilet. Sad that you can get lost in your home of over 50 years. Life sucks.
aged carer experience 