…not the most exciting read in the world.
So, what to write?? I was going to condense all of the following into a shorter version and then I realised that it doesn’t give a full picture. If you are needing to put your loved one into aged care you need to be on the ball. I’ve been called a pedantic b*tch in the past because I like my i’s dotted and my t’s crossed… that’s just the way I am. It’s my mother and I know that nobody will be able to care for her as good as I have but I need to know that somebody is going to care enough to try… So here you go… warts and all.
Day 2 – I see Ma and find out that she’s had a bad night, no surprises there. Apparently she woke during the night asking for me and of course I wasn’t there. She tells me that the nurses take too long to respond to her call. Indeed I take her to the toilet as soon as I get there and a nurse comes in 20 minutes later to see what she wants. I talk to the nurse again about Ma’s bowel habits and how to dress her leg ulcer. I take Ma out into the courtyard for a breath of fresh air where she meets a couple of the ‘inmates’ and watches the BBQ lunch being cooked while having a brandy. I ring that night to see how she has settled and mention her bowels again. The nurses have a cordless phone they can take to Ma so we can talk but unfortunately the nurses can’t find it… I never do get to talk to her on the phone during her stay.
Day 3 – Early visit this morning she had breakfast in her room which she didn’t eat. I’m able to bring her a cappuccino in an insulated mug and she is very very happy. She was waiting to go to the toilet after pressing her buzzer but all of the staff were busy collecting breakfast trays and didn’t have time to take her so I take her. The aide comes in and wants to know whether I also want to dress her as well! Ma has a ‘lady’ in the bathroom that copies everything she does. If Ma lifts her hand, the lady lifts her hand. I point out the mirror which Ma says she knows is there. The mirror on the wardrobe door also shows a lady in the room… and even in her bed! (Sigh, I knew it would be a problem). Ma tells me that the lady wears the same clothing that she does AND she also has a stuffed toy kitty just like Ma! Ma is frustrated and upset because nobody lets her move without assistance and when she presses the buzzer nobody comes. She still hasn’t had a bowel movement and nobody is giving her the medication that we use to keep them going. I mention this again to staff and ring again that night and tell the nurse. The nurse says all the right things to me and I have hope in my heart. But I should know better.
Day 4 – No poo – I talk to staff again about her bowels….
Day 5 – No poo
Day 6 – No poo – Repeated discussions I have with nursing staff fall on deaf ears although they respond nicely to my concerns…
Day 7 – Ma has poo but not the kind to get her excited… I text my sisters and boyfriend to tell them of the ‘arrival’… we have all been waiting for. I ask to speak to a nurse…. Again. Ma’s leg ulcer is leaking and I’m worried about her bowels and the lack of ‘movement’. You talk to them and they agree with what you’re saying and then do their own thing. Before Ma went into respite she was achieving a bowel movement every 1 to 2 days. The nurse tells me that Ma wasn’t written up for a laxative every day… she acknowledges that my notes told them about the need for every day but still they didn’t do anything. She tells me that they are now going to give her Movicol every day. Not what I’ve been giving her or what I’ve supplied or what has been written up on her medication sheet attached to her doctor’s report. I also ask the nurse about Ma’s ulcer and she informs me that they’ve changed the days the leg is being dressed on… and that they’ve ordered the stuff to do Ma’s leg with. Deep breaths…
She speaks to Ma like a child saying in front of me ‘she really enjoys her meals, don’t you?’ Ma looks to one side and doesn’t respond to her. She has already told me that there has only been a couple of good meals and the rest is inedible. Sometimes the whole table doesn’t eat the food and they complain. I can’t see that they get much if any fibre in their diet. Ma says its tinned fruit with artificial cream. Ma doesn’t know anybody there and doesn’t feel like she ‘clicks’ with anybody that she’s met. I go to take her outside and to get her hair cut but she doesn’t want to move in case my brother visits…. He doesn’t turn up.
Day 8 – No poo. I arrive to take Ma for her hair cut and find her still sitting at the lunch table along with the other ladies. They are all staring at each other with no conversation. I have brought Ma ice cream which she devours back in her room and then has a brandy. She asks me every 5 minutes whether it’s time to go for her haircut. My brother arrives just as we are leaving… great. I’m sure we won’t see him again. Ma is upset but leaves to get her hair done.
Day 9 – No poo. I could tell them that using the Movicol doesn’t work but what’s the point when they don’t listen? Walked in to be handed a statement for her stay. $1,627.24 for 34 days… she is only there for 19 days. Deep breaths times two… When I ask administration they tell me that they always take the money out in advance and refund it later… Really? I wasn’t told this… of course. She tells me that she can’t see the sense in it and that many people complain… really? SIGH, I just walk away.
Ma tells me she has spent most of the night in her chair as her back was hurt getting out of bed. The night staff apparently found her sleeping there during the night and moved her into her bed. Not sure of whether this is true but she is sitting in the chair when I arrive and a bit confused. Apparently somebody turned a bus over in front of the facility. She asks me to see whether the ‘old lady’ is still there. The ‘old lady’ has been absent since I moved the opaque door forward of the mirrored door.
Day 10 – No poo. I decide to give Ma her own ‘movement’ medicine – two lower bowel stimulants and one Coloxyl with senna. Ma’s leg ulcer is leaking and is looking very messy. SIGH
Day 11 – We have poo! Arrived to find Ma has had a movement and is sitting on bed looking very pleased with herself. She said she couldn’t get help so cleaned herself up mostly before help arrived. There is poo all over toilet and basin and poo on her quilt. How anybody could not see it and walk away is beyond me. I’m very very angry. I clean the bathroom and ask the aide where I can get another quilt for Ma’s bed. I’m given a bag to dispose of the other quilt and after requesting a quilt twice from two different staff members, I leave. My brother-in-law succeeds in getting her a quilt when he visits in the evening.
Ma tells me that she had soup for dinner the night before with no bread and she asks for some as she is still hungry. She tells me she doesn’t like it there at all and that some of the staff get angry with her when she needs to go to the toilet during the night. I can get up with Ma three and four times a night. She can’t help it, how dare they get angry with her because she needs to go to the toilet. She had the same problem in hospital.
Day 12 – I arrive to find her trying to get her heavy dressing gown off as she’s too hot. She has been pressing the buzzer but nobody has arrived. I take it off and dress her for the day. The aide arrives and gets very defensive explaining herself. Ma tells me she’s pooed again as she took more stimulants last night. Nurse came to ask about Ma’s bowel movements and I had to bite my tongue as they reckon the Movicol is working!
I notice her dressing is leaking and her leg is very swollen. The aide comes to take Ma to lunch at 11:45 and says she will be back in 5 minutes, 25 minutes later and we are still waiting and press the buzzer for somebody to take her to dinner. When the aide finally arrives I tell them about Ma’s leg. I check later and find that the dressing has been re-done… my sister was informed as soon as she walked through the door… oops I’ve seemed to have made my presence felt!
Day 13 – I’m going to work for five days this week!!! It’s the first time since I can’t remember when. I don’t shut up all day. It’s like I’ve been let out of a cage… there is some normalcy which I haven’t experienced for a long time. I don’t visit today… I feel incredibly guilty but my nephew is visiting along with my sister…. I decide I need to stay away. It doesn’t stop me sitting and worrying.
Day 14 – I visit after work. Ma is sitting on the bed half asleep slumped to one side. She tells me what a horrible time she is having. She says she is ‘leaking’ more than usual and that she’s very sore and that her ulcer has been throbbing. I notice that her leg is looking quite swollen although not red. She tells me again how horrible the food is and that there were sirens going all night and she’s being walking the corridors. The tv show, ‘The Farmer Wants a Wife’ apparently turned into guns and shooting…. So she doesn’t what to ever watch it again. I notice she hasn’t got her slippers on (the floors are very slippery… go figure in a new aged care facility) and she tells me that her feet have been sore. As I go to put her slippers on I see she has a blister on her toe and ask if she can have a band aid. The aide tells me she will tell the nurse… Ma tells me that the nursing staff keep asking her when she will be leaving…
2 thoughts on “Ma’s respite care diary…”
What you ha e described in this journey you are on is what I experienced when my Mum had a stroke and went into. care I cried nearly every day till I found a wonderful facility who took much better care and had wonderful staff but it is as usual there is often staff shortages and shortcuts are taken
But you have to be sensible out how much of the dare you can co continue to give your role now is to oversee the care given is as good as can be given and report any shortfalls in the system
Thanks Bev for all of your support.